I was a single gay man trying to adopt a child. I was lucky when I came out to my family and friends. I was supported and embraced by my extended family as well. What I like to share is when I adopted my son. The first baby I tried to adopt the county director rejected my application even though the baby was a part of my life his first two years. Staying with me. Learning to walk. Learning to talk. I will never forget that December day when they informed me they would not recommend the adoption. Her reasoning was ‘gay men only want to have children to molest’ . She had no idea about what gay men wanted. She had no idea the damage she would do to my son. He stopped talking. He stop developing when they placed him in the foster home. I still got to see him. Have a relationship with him. Some of us gay men- do desire to have children, a family. I was lucky in the sense I had connections and a different agency approached me about the adoption. They got my home study and within two months I was presented with another newborn premature baby boy. Yes they presented him with many issues drug using mom, no prenatal care and born three months premature. I was not afraid. I have some what a medical background and took it on. Now 22 years later, my son is an active young man. Graduated from high school and yes he is straight. He is proud of his gay father and has attended gay pride weekends to honor me .
I also have been in touch with the first baby as well. They understand I still love both of them and they consider each other brothers. And know I am here for both of them.
I hope to give encouragement to other single gay men who hope to become fathers. Best word ever is hearing ‘ that’s my father right there ‘
So don’t give up if one agency says no because there are people who understand a child needs a loving home regardless if the parent is gay , straight or whatever.
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